Once again, Zambia has challenged my soul to dig deep within my spiritual understanding on the subjects of poverty, abuse, need and outright evil. Only my God could give me the strength, the peace, and the hope I need to rummage through the vast, overwhelming plague of endless agony while not getting stuck along the way. Doing ministry with women is my passion, but there is one young woman who calls my soul off the beaten path every year.
Many of you have heard the story of Agness, our old sponsored child from 2008. As hundreds of the sponsored children were taken into the care of the local church, Agness fell through the cracks. Not anyone’s fault other than Satan himself trying to destroy another girl’s life through rape, poverty, and abuse. The intersection of her life and mine is now in the history books…actually His-story. She was the one who was lost and somehow God allowed me to be involved in snatching her from the gates of hell. For what purpose is remained to be seen. Though, I know God has big plans for her!
Her life has been “typical’ of girls in Third World countries, though, I would argue that it doesn’t have to be. Abandoned as a toddler with mother dying and father taking off (I am sure, dead now) she was taken from her home to the big city of Lusaka to stay with endless extended family members, some of whom sexually abused her as a young girl. In and out of school because she never stayed anywhere long enough, she has not been able to pass the 8th grade even though she is almost 17. Every time I see her when I am in Zambia, it has broken my heart to have to say, “Goodbye.” 2009 and 2010 held precious moments together as we went for lunch, I let her enjoy a hot bath or warm shower, and a “girls sleepover,” with the quiet sounds of peaceful breathing that only comes from a deep sense of feeling safe.
The first year held very little difficulty in finding her. Though, in 2010, it became a little harder. Then came 2011. I was in Zambia by myself last year and was limited in not only time but resources. Being unable to find her old OVCC worker (Orphans and Vulnerable Children Coordinator) and not feeling optimistic about her knowing where she was anyway, I had to leave the country without seeing her in 2011. Imagine the most gut-wrenching feeling of failure and sorrow as I got on the plane knowing that she was somewhere in the city (I was hoping) waiting for me to show up, unannounced, to surprise her in our “summer get together.” I vowed it would not happen again.
2012….planning the team trip to go and minister to the widows and vulnerable women we work with through our partner on the ground CHD ( Community for Human Development) took up much time as we planned, and trained our team of 4 WONDERFUL ladies. Never far behind, though, were thoughts of Agness. Where was she? Was she thinking I had forgotten about her? Was she safe? I pleaded with God to speak to her heart and let her know I was praying for her and thinking of her. How completely abandoned she must have felt as summer came to a close the year before.
Focusing on the task at hand -- the women’s conference in Lusaka, ministry in the bush, training on the new sewing machines and the many other things we were there to do -- consumed me. Trying to connect with the staff of EOH was critical in trying to find out anything on her. As I waited for a response as to whether ANYONE had seen or heard from Agness, I became increasingly worried she had fallen off the face of the earth. How then would I grapple with the absolute pain of losing her to an evil world? And more so, what would I say to God?
My husband had just come in to join the team, and we found a day to go and look for her. My heart sank when we got to the EOH office and heard that they didn’t know where to look first. Heading out to one of the many places she could have been, we set off through the urban poverty of Lusaka….garbage heaps, markets, and the mass sea of people and vehicles trying to all fit in the tiny alleys of the uneven, rutted roads of the compounds. After looking for her all day we found where she was living and discovered she was not around. After asking the neighborhood kids, we got two girls to tell us where she was working (yes, working 6 days of week, 12-13 hours a day) and they guided us through the maze of streets.
I had left, figuratively, the 99 other women who I knew had the connection with us and CHD, the 99 others who I knew had access to help and hope, some of which we had just provided them. I left the 99 to search for a girl in Africa that needed me to extend my hand to her. To reach and grab her as if she was dangling from a cliff, risking my own life in a way. I am willing, really. I would not have given up, even if those around me had. It was getting bleak for a while. I argued that if it had been my daughter and I had died when she was a baby, I would have prayed someone out there in the world would have cared enough to search, to sacrifice and save my daughter. Then God made it very clear that she is His daughter and how much more He loves her. I was being the chosen vessel to be the hands and feet of Jesus to one of millions of girls in Africa who need to see Him. I am just lucky enough to be a part of this with God.
It was then, that my husband saw the feet of a now young woman, (the same age as our daughter back home!) running from behind a house, as if trying to cling to any last glimpse of her childhood, out to the truck where she jumped into my arms as she called to me “ma, ma!” Of course, tears ensued….I so enjoy being the hands and feet of Jesus when I get to use those hands to hug my “other” daughter half way around the world in a place called Africa. And in the words of Agness….”I guess God does really give you want you want!”
Let us be the answer to the prayers of someone who needs to be found and not miss the chance to change history, if for only one young women. Let us set out of our safe pasture and not look back as we engage the world in the gospel of Christ. To seek that which is lost.
