ONE MOMENT IN ZAMBIA

2011-Visiting Precious' kids she left behind

I am not sure what my heart needs to tell. For if it tells what it knows, I feel I somehow lose the power of it in my soul. A kind of unspoken secret between God and me. If it tells, I have to use words to share what only my heart can feel. If it tells, will the fullness of it sitting in my chest seep out of me, leaving me with something less? 

I don’t know what my heart needs to tell. Does it need to hold onto the moments that are only for me or pour out the brokenness and emotion the world needs more of? I am not sure my heart is ready to verbalize the harshness of Africa again. What it so easily takes while we stand by and watch. 

I just don’t know…I got back from Zambia about a week and a half ago. I couldn’t write anything. I felt like there was a weight on my heart. I couldn’t shake it. Leading the trip meant my heart had to take a back seat. It must be second. Second to schedules, meetings, recording receipts, thinking about the plan for the next day, and making sure everyone else is ok. My heart was  drowning in pain, the tears were being held under, not allowed to come up to the surface. 

My heart ached to just weep at night in Zambia. I longed to sit out and lie in the dark and cry out to God as I wondered about the stars that He holds up in the sky and yet the people he allows to fall here on earth. People like Precious. 

The name came out of her mouth like a knife to my heart. The pain was immediate, the blow so violent I almost went to my knees. Unbeknownst of course, to the sweet girl who uttered the name, her name, innocently in a small house in Chongwe just 2 weeks ago. The name was a fierce reminder of a person, a life, a mother, a widow, that Africa stole. I don’t feel the need to share the whole story of Precious in 2010, for those that were there, it is understood. Her story is the story of many I have encountered. But the seven years between then and now had only given it time to gather power silently in my soul. It is a story that I never want to be normal. Her story of heartache, pain, hopelessness, widowhood, HIV/AIDS, and the future of her 5 children that would be left with nothing after she died. 

I left the house to gather myself, although I didn’t know if I wanted to. I stood outside, knees weak and tears flowing, lips quaking, chest heaving; so taken aback by this uncontrollable response to a name. I wanted to stay in this with God…

But gather myself I did.  Through the heartbreak and emotion, we must get up and with God, continue the work. I always ask God to break my heart for what breaks His and I am thankful that He answers. When the heart is close to the poor, hurting, and lost, it is close to God. 

I am grateful for the opportunity to be broken again and again in Zambia and be able to hand my broken heart to God as He draws it out of the depths to give the pain and tears, life giving purpose and passion. 

“Would you be interested in going with me to Africa?”

If you are like me, your initial response to this question would be…NO. Maybe you would come up with one of a million polite excuses (like I did) about why you cannot. For me it was financial concerns. “We do not have it in our budget,” I said. Some time went by and Kristin asked me again if my daughter Emily and I would like to go to Africa with them. That is when I made a tactical error in mission avoidance. I told her I would pray about it. And then, against my better judgement, I actually did pray about it. Much to my surprise, God answered that prayer by putting a desire in my heart to go to Africa. I was genuinely excited about the opportunity to see the Lord prove His faithfulness to us. We certainly did not have the budget to go to Africa, but we knew this was not a problem for our God. He owns the cattle on a thousand hills; coming up with the funds to send us to Zambia was no big deal for Him. And he did! He proved Himself faithful.

This became the theme of our trip to Zambia. The Lord is faithful. One of the things I love about International Teams is how they look to see what God is doing in a location and try to join Him in that work. It is tempting to approach missions like we have the answers to the problems of the world. That is an arrogance that our friends in other parts of the world may recognize quicker than we do. The reality is that Jesus is the answer, and He is already working in these locations. So, the approach we took in Africa was to look for what God is doing, look to see what resources are already in place, look to see what God’s people are accomplishing – and join into the work.

Another aspect of the ministry of International Teams (especially Kristin even though she will hate to see her name here!) is seeking out the invisible. It is intentionally looking for the individuals or groups who are overlooked by the people and systems of society. On this trip, that was demonstrated in two ways. First, Kristin has a heart for the young ladies (in too many cases young girls) who are caught in the world of prostitution. She actively seeks these girls out and prays for them, seeking to build relationship with them and teach them of the love of God in a way that lets them see their value and dignity as His image bearers. 

The second way we sought out the invisible was with the men of an especially poverty-stricken area. We discovered that there have been many programs and not-for-profit organizations who have targeted the women and children of this area, but no one has sought to come alongside the men to give them a hand up. There are many obstacles for men to overcome in this place – unemployment, hopelessness, drunkenness, apathy, etc. The goal is to come alongside them and let them know there is hope in Jesus. Through Christ these obstacles can be overcome. In meeting with them we discovered that they have a great desire to see their community transformed, but do not feel they have the skills to make that happen. They talked about the need for skills training and individual discipleship. This is an idea that can develop into a working solution!

A trip like this truly changes a person. Emily and I are not the same as we were before. But, the faith muscles we exercised in the past few months leading up to the trip and while in Zambia will atrophy if we do not continue the work here in our own community. The challenge now is to look and see what is God doing in our own hometown? Who are the invisible people that are being overlooked? Emily and I have been discussing these questions since we arrived back in the US. I encourage you to discuss them in your communities as well. Let us join together in the work of God by seeking out the invisible and coming alongside them!

Written by: David Hollingshead