I woke up that morning and could not breathe. I felt like I was totally unprepared for what was happening that day. I looked at his room scattered with clothes, suitcases, and his backpack ready for international travel. He had done this before, our youngest and only son, the year before. He had travelled by himself back home from Zambia for 6 weeks. The difference then, he had come back. This time he was leaving for adulthood, for his summer home to work before he heads off to college. This was goodbye.
I think all that had transpired before this is what made it so hard. Covid-19 made it hard. When we had made the concession to let Carter, our son, go home early before we would head home for a summer furlough back in November of 2019, it was a different time. When there was no talk of Covid-19, no flight interruptions, no economies falling apart, and no mass world uncertainty. There were going to be family and friends he was going to stay with, a job at a summer camp that would start in May, and a planned send off to college in the fall.
Our plans were turned sideways. By March we were holding our breath that his April flight would still be ok. We wondered if we should “get him out now.” As so many other expats were doing. But where would he go back to? Everyone was on lock down. Come April our fear was realized as his flight was cancelled. We then had to make the decision of whether or not to wait for that ticket and flight to “come back” (realizing it probably wasn’t) or cancel and book a new ticket, a new ticket at 4 times the cost. The world was acting crazy and we didn’t know what to do. The emails were “get out now” and we knew our son needed to get back regardless of what he was going back to. We prayed and I (notice I didn’t say, "we") wrung my hands for more than a week as we went back and forth on getting him out on the only airline left flying out of Zambia. I finally swallowed hard, and we did it. We then had four days to get him ready to go. Four days that I did not spend preparing myself. I did make his favorite meals and we played games and got his favorite shawarma in town, but I did not think about what this send off truly was.
It all happened so fast and all of a sudden we were sending him off on a lone plane out of our host country to go home to a mass pandemic to live with his sister who had also had her life turned upside down by this. The secure jobs they both had set up for the summer were all but a hopeful dream at this point, and the graduation party we wanted to have for Carter seems like it might be online at this point. The plan of staying till September on furlough was to get him settled at college for his first year and move our daughter back to college as well; seems like wishful thinking right now that anyone will be going back to college in September. What are they/we supposed to do? Leave them to what? To where?
Sending your youngest off on a plane at the mid-end of his senior year in high school to start his adult life was hard to begin with, but put all this in the mix and this mom was really a mess;) I am not usually like this. I have always been about growing our kids up to be independent. But this was hard. I am so glad that I can cry out to my God who hears me and understands. So glad to have family and friends (and a good member care counselor!!) who I could ask for prayer from.
All this uncertainty reminds those of us who are in Christ that we are part of an unshakable kingdom. Cared for by a God who is still on his throne. And a clear reminder that this is not our true home. Goodbyes in all forms are happening right now, change is happening right now, the future is not certain, but we serve a God who is worthy of our hello every morning, who is unchanging, and who is certain about where this world is going. Let’s rest in that right now.
I think all that had transpired before this is what made it so hard. Covid-19 made it hard. When we had made the concession to let Carter, our son, go home early before we would head home for a summer furlough back in November of 2019, it was a different time. When there was no talk of Covid-19, no flight interruptions, no economies falling apart, and no mass world uncertainty. There were going to be family and friends he was going to stay with, a job at a summer camp that would start in May, and a planned send off to college in the fall.
Our plans were turned sideways. By March we were holding our breath that his April flight would still be ok. We wondered if we should “get him out now.” As so many other expats were doing. But where would he go back to? Everyone was on lock down. Come April our fear was realized as his flight was cancelled. We then had to make the decision of whether or not to wait for that ticket and flight to “come back” (realizing it probably wasn’t) or cancel and book a new ticket, a new ticket at 4 times the cost. The world was acting crazy and we didn’t know what to do. The emails were “get out now” and we knew our son needed to get back regardless of what he was going back to. We prayed and I (notice I didn’t say, "we") wrung my hands for more than a week as we went back and forth on getting him out on the only airline left flying out of Zambia. I finally swallowed hard, and we did it. We then had four days to get him ready to go. Four days that I did not spend preparing myself. I did make his favorite meals and we played games and got his favorite shawarma in town, but I did not think about what this send off truly was.
It all happened so fast and all of a sudden we were sending him off on a lone plane out of our host country to go home to a mass pandemic to live with his sister who had also had her life turned upside down by this. The secure jobs they both had set up for the summer were all but a hopeful dream at this point, and the graduation party we wanted to have for Carter seems like it might be online at this point. The plan of staying till September on furlough was to get him settled at college for his first year and move our daughter back to college as well; seems like wishful thinking right now that anyone will be going back to college in September. What are they/we supposed to do? Leave them to what? To where?
Sending your youngest off on a plane at the mid-end of his senior year in high school to start his adult life was hard to begin with, but put all this in the mix and this mom was really a mess;) I am not usually like this. I have always been about growing our kids up to be independent. But this was hard. I am so glad that I can cry out to my God who hears me and understands. So glad to have family and friends (and a good member care counselor!!) who I could ask for prayer from.
All this uncertainty reminds those of us who are in Christ that we are part of an unshakable kingdom. Cared for by a God who is still on his throne. And a clear reminder that this is not our true home. Goodbyes in all forms are happening right now, change is happening right now, the future is not certain, but we serve a God who is worthy of our hello every morning, who is unchanging, and who is certain about where this world is going. Let’s rest in that right now.
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:28
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